A Perfect Day for Tea

“It really is a perfect day, isn’t it, Charlotte?” I said whilst stirring two sugar cubes into my cup of tea. I admired the clear grey skies and empty trees that clawed their way across the edge of my property. I leaned back into my studded leather chair, quite comfortably, in my buttoned suit coat. The air smelt of lilacs, blissfully easing my ears with the rhythms of smooth jazz. “I say, I haven’t stepped a single foot outside my manor with all that damned city’s pestilent fog. It’s a blight upon the sky, it is! We should shoot it down before those damned Brits place a stake upon our elegant countryside.”

     “Oh, don’t I know, dearest Donny.” Charlotte replied whilst gazing upon the open field that sprawled out, as a hunting trophy would, before my pale stone manor. She sat in her own buttoned leather seat, with the most elegant pearl chiffon blouse and pearl dotted spring hat. Her sunset orange hair contrasted her pale white skin and hat ever so beautifully. “Speaking of damnable blights, thank God that those horrible autos out there can withstand the fog, otherwise your most beautiful lawn might not look so beautiful. Though, to be honest, my dear, I don’t know how you can possibly stand to have all those annoying buzzers around all the time. Sputtering and stammering and causing a horrible ruckus wherever they go. Shoot them all, I say! Damn things deserve to be shut off for good.”

     I looked to her with the utmost seriousness and said:

     “Those are my autos you’re speaking about.”

She looked back at me with a mixture of shock and disgust, completely undercut by my sudden reverence for my autos. In another moment, we were consumed with the most uncontrollable laughing fit. When we had finally settled, our gazes met again, only for us to be taken up with the fit once more. Our laughter was most rudely cut off by the nauseating explosion that went off a few miles away from us.

     “Yes, they are rather droll, aren’t they?” I said, finally taking a sip of my tea and immediately reeling back in disgust. “Oh, God. I put too much sugar. Don’t you hate when that happens?”

     “I do!” Charlotte confirmed quite enthusiastically. She leaned in close and innocently covered half of her mouth with her left hand, nonchalantly showing off her diamond ring. “That’s when I usually call for the auto to make me a new pot.”

     “Oh, Charlotte!” I laughed, yet again consumed by the disease. She joined me rather impishly. “Charlotte, you make my heart swoon ever so often.”

     “Well, Donny, my dear,” She amorously giggled, once again flashing the diamond ring upon her left hand’s third finger. “You know I’m engaged.”

     “And Rupert truly is my dearest friend.” I announced, leaning in, kissing her left hand with a wink. “I would never do anything to harm our friendship.”

     I poured out my cup of tea upon the well-trimmed grass, then went for my kettle. Noticing my China to be empty, I raised my golden bell from my tea table and rung it.

     “Don’t you hate having to ring that horrible bell?” Charlotte asked.

     “Yes!” I shouted enthusiastically. “My arm grows ever so sore ringing this thing day in and day out. I wish those damned buzzers would just know what I want when I want it. I think it's high time those scientists get off their buttocks and make something of use for once. Instead, they string us along on promises of advancements that never come to be. I can’t comprehend why we give them so much of our hard-earned cash in the first place. When have they made anything that has benefited us? Never, I say! Bah! Damned autos and cities in the sky.”

     “They really do take their time, don’t they?” Charlotte added.

     “Quite frankly, they do.” I said whilst spinning my head around like a top about to lose its balance. “I wrung that bell almost a minute ago!”

     “Oh, not the auto, my dear, though it is taking far too long.” Charlotte said with a laugh. “I meant the scientists.”

     “Oh!” I laughed heartfully. After a few short chuckles and snorts, Charlotte was influenced by my disease. We laughed for many more minutes before I grew frustrated. This influenced me to stand up and frantically ring the bell like a doomsayer. I spun my head around once more before shouting: “Where is that damned buzzer?! Surely, you would think a whip would do it as good as it does a man, but frankly, it doesn’t. When will it learn its lesson?”

     “Donny, deary, this is very unbecoming of you,” Charlotte said, frankly. “Please, settle yourself.”

     With instant self-awareness, I looked at myself and straightened my buttoned coat. I sat back into my studded leather seat and placed my bell back upon the tea table.

     “Great God, I do apologize for my behavior.” I said with remorse. “I do not know what came over me. I must blame the blaring of those damnable explosions that go off all through the night. I haven’t gotten any sleep in weeks.”

     “Well, at least all the way out here you don’t have to hear the thundering horns from the city.” Charlotte replied. “I swear, if I ever meet any of those pompous upperclassmen, pfft New Londoners, I will shoot them bloody, I will.”

     “I say, at this point, it’d be better to live up there.” I replied. “No explosions, no horns, just the open sky. I imagine the trip across the Atlantic to be quite elegant. Quite frankly, I don’t understand why it spends any time over the mainland. Oh, and the sunsets! I imagine them too also be quite elegant indeed.”

     “Well, when you put it like that, Donny, I think I may agree with you.”

     “Of course, you do, my dear.” I leaned in again, flashing my golden tooth this time. “You know, you and I could always…” I trailed off.

     “Always what?” She pressed, leaning in, carefully touching my hand with her cold fingers.

     “Oh, you wouldn’t want to hear that.” I turned away from her bashfully.

     “Oh, but I do, Donny.” She leaned in closer, confidently gripping my hand. I looked at her in the corner of my eyes. She intimately repeated: “I do.”

     “Well, you and I could always run away to New London…” I trailed off again, this time facing her. I gazed deep into her emerald eyes. “Together.”

     “Oh, Donny.” Charlotte turned away honorably. “What of Rupert?”

     “What of him?” I spat. “This is about us.”

     “I couldn’t!” She shouted shockingly. “Rupert is the only good man I know.”

     “Only good men die, my dear.”

     “Oh, Donny.” She said, finally turning back to me. As we came close to embrace, we were interrupted by the thundering steps of the auto.

     “Finally,” I said, turning to the disappointment. “Where have you been?”

     The machine stood there like a scrap heap waiting to happen. The metal gears inside of it sputtered and whirled, frightening away any birds that its footsteps did not. The dents from my frequent encouragements scarred and rusted the buzzer hideously, making me want to encourage it to leave all the more.

     “Perhaps you should replace it,” Charlotte stated as she habitually stirred her tea. “It’s unusual for them to take so long.”

     “It’s the third one to break down this month!” I shouted. “I tell you; T corp. is breaking apart just as these damned buzzers do. I shall sell all my shares come the morning; I swear it.”

     “The third!” Charlotte cried in astonishment. “That is unheard of.”

     “Yes, and quite frankly, I’m considering sending a message to a journalist.”

     “You can use my telephone. My dearest friend, Virginia, is a journalist for the New York Times.”

     “You live all the way on the East Side!”

     “But Donny my dear, Rupert is in Berlin on business.”

     “You don’t say?” I replied, leaning in once again. Just as we grew close enough for a kiss, we were interrupted yet again by an explosion. “I say, those shots must be on the edge of my property!”

     “Are we in any danger?” Charlotte came intimately close. I grinned devilishly.

     “Oh, God no,” I replied, putting my arm around her. “If they get too close, the city will float closer, and the fog will clear them away.”

     “But won’t that ruin this beautiful day?”

     “Well, Charlotte my dear, we would have no choice but to go inside.”

     “But we could be trapped in there for days!” Charlotte exclaimed.

     “Weeks even,” I added. We looked back into each other’s eyes. “And from what I hear, another war is on the horizon. A new movement in Germany has been gaining traction. Your fiancé may be trapped there… indefinitely.”

     “Oh, Donny!” Charlotte finally came in and embraced me. I kissed her like it were the end of the world.

“Perhaps we should go inside now, just to be safe?” I pressed. “After all, those explosions are awfully close. Rupert would surely understand.”

     “Surely!” Charlotte shouted, enthusiastically nodding in agreement. “It is a matter of life and death.”

     “Quite so!” I exclaimed. We stood together, my hand in hers. “Shall we?”

     Charlotte grinned in agreement, and we trotted hand in hand back to my manor. We left the autos outside to be enveloped by the pestilent fog of New London, and with them, the worries of war.